First paragraph is very straight to the point; this allows readers to know exactly what they are expecting for the rest of the essay. The thesis statement is the last statement of the first paragraph – People should see climate change as a problem for both nature and them.
The topic sentence for the second paragraph is nature ecosystem can save lives. The writer puts in a lot of effort to research more based on this idea and add in a lot more examples apart from the sources provided. One example that he stated is the tsunami that swept through Asia in 2004, killing an estimated 300k people. There are also in-text citations to account for the examples he stated.
I think that the writer can further elaborate on the point in paragraph 3. Maybe he can give some examples to support his idea.
For paragraph 4, although the writer stated the examples of Gribbles using enzymes to break down agricultural waste products. He did not add in any in-text citation.
Conclusion is neatly done; the writer summarizes his main points into the last paragraph and ended the essay with the thesis statement. However, the reference list is not done properly. Instead of only putting in the respective websites for the reference, the writer should also add in the author, year, month, day, title of work, retrieved month day.
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The thesis statement, people should see climate change as a problem for both nature and them, is correct, but i should rephrase it to avoid plagiarism. In the first paragraph, the sentences need to have a transition in between them.
ReplyDeleteThe topic sentence, nature ecosystem can save lives, is correct. Indeed I researched quite in depth before writing this essay. Actually, I should cite details from the three article that we were given, which I didn't.
I agree with Huang Bin that I should further elaborate on the point in paragraph 3. I should give examples and cite details from the nature article. As for the example of Gribbles, I cited the text improperly. I have to correct the citations.
In the conclusion, I should reinforce the points I have stated in the essay. Instead of doing this, I added in some new points. I should not add any new points in the conclusion. Reference list is not done correctly. I have to edit and include the article name and the author's name and year of the article if possible.
I sincerely thank you Huang Bin for the frank and clear feedback.